Breaking down closed doors
by Chronos guardian
Summary: Bella loves Edward but he believes he does her more harm staying than he would gone. He's left Bella weak and broken with little hope in sight. When one of her worst enemies takes the chance, leaving her changed with a new coven what will Ed do to win her
1. Preface

Well guys I know I'm jumping around too much because I am yet to update any of my other stories yet but please pardon me. I just finished reading the final book of the Twilight series "Breaking Dawn" and I couldn't help myself. I love Stephenie Meyers to the death and hope I do not soil her beautiful work but I just couldn't help but wonder what would happen if things hadn't gone so well in New moon. I couldn't help but want to spice things up a little. Well here it is my first try at an actual book and not an anime. I hope you all review loves.

_She sits in her corner  
Singing herself to sleep  
Wrapped in all of the promises  
That no one seems to keep  
She no longer cries to herself,  
No tears left to wash away  
Just diaries of empty pages,  
Feelings gone astray  
But she will sing_

_'Till everything burns  
While everyone screams  
Burning their lies  
Burning my dreams  
All of this hate  
And all of this pain  
I'll burn it all down  
As my anger reigns  
'Till everything burns_

_Everything Burns by Ben Moody ft. Anastacia_

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**_Preface_**

In a beautifully green meadow a girl stood looking at a handsome boy. He was tall, had broad shoulders, pale skin that could rival the dead and a sexy yet casual disarray of hair, retaining an unusual shade of bronze. His facial features were perfect with high cheekbones, strong jaw line, a straight nose and sensually full lips. His beautiful Liquid, golden topaz eyes stared intensely at the girl. Compared to him her beauty wasn't anything to envy.

Like he she was pale as well with straight dark brown hair and wide chocolate brown eyes. She was shorter than the male by far with a heart-shaped face and pink full lips. For all her normal and plain looks her life is far from normalcy. She's been called many things; danger-magnet, clumsy, secretive, a bad actress, not an athletic bone in her body kind of person, odd, selfless even words such as martyr fit her. Today she would have new words that would fit her perfectly as well. Words along the lines of; broken, zombie and victim. She was fidgeting and nervous, if she could she would probably be biting her nails right about now. But her attention was completely focused on the boy in front of her. Her brown eyes staring into his captivating gold.

I know what you're thinking. Something important is probably about to happen, like him proposing or something right? Well true it is something important but it is far from a proposal. The excruciatingly plain girl you're seeing in the denim jeans is me. That's right my name is Isabella Marie Swan and you're about to see the love of my life break my heart into a thousand pieces.

What you're watching is nothing but my reoccurring nightmare of my beloved Edward dumping me and erasing himself from my life…for good. It's a day I can never forget but it's also one of those days I'd wished I'd never woken up to live. If I had had any clue on what my beautiful Edward was about to say to me that day I wouldn't even have bothered to open my eyes that day. Sadly I did and I'd followed him down that forest path as he'd led us to have that oh so private talk. I'd gotten my heart handed back to me shredded and scarred.

It was like my whole life was that of a light bulb that had just finally run out of juice. Everything went black from then onward. My advice to whoever reads this; Never love a Vampire.

Why? It's simple, you never recover.

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Well how did you like the preface? Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks for reading as well.


	2. Chapter 1: Haunted

_So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
Hold me when I'm scared  
And love me when I'm gone  
Everything I am  
And everything in me  
Wants to be the one  
You wanted me to be  
I'll never let you down  
Even if I could  
I'd give up everything  
If only for your good  
So hold me when I'm here  
Right me when I'm wrong  
You can hold me when I'm scared  
You won't always be there  
So love me when I'm gone_

**_When I'm gone- 3 doors down_**

_**Chapter 1: Haunted**_

I woke up gasping and reaching out for something but catching thin-air. Another dream of the one I lost, another nightmare of how my life ended. Giving a heavy sigh I decided it was time for me to wake up. I tried to untangle my sheets. The key word was 'tried', I only ended up making things worse. Like usual. I growled in frustration and lay limp for a minute before jumping onto my feet. I ended up falling flat on my face. I didn't bother getting up. Why should I?

What was there to get up for? Charlie was probably at the station by now. He's made it so he saw me as little as possible after my breakdown. I couldn't blame him. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to watch one of my loved ones die slowly inside. It was the same for him and my friends at school. Everyone was slowly distancing themselves from me. I couldn't complain though. I needed my space to think and mourn my loss.

I was turning into a shell of myself. After that night in the woods I've never really been the same. Out of all his words only one verse truly hurt me. I'd known I was plain to begin with. I wasn't anything to die over, far from it really but still those words he spoke cut like a thousand daggers.

"_It would be as if I had never existed"_

How could he say that? It was like he was throwing everything we'd shared in my face. It angered me enough to give me the energy I needed to stand. I walked towards the bathroom and made the mistake of looking into the mirror. I looked like a zombie, shadows hung under my blank eyes. I looked like a train wreck. I couldn't stand seeing my face anymore than the next person. Cocking my fist back I rammed it into the glass before me. The glass cracked but did not break like me. If I'd been a Vampire like Emmett I could have easily broken that damn mirror but I wasn't. I was a pathetic human that could be easily thrown away. Like a toy.

I growled and it sounded so wrong in my human throat. Looking down I saw my fist were bloody. Usually I would want to throw up just by the smell of it but today it was different. The pain that came with it elevated some of my own pain. I sank to my knees and cradled my fist as I wept. Edward didn't know how much he'd meant to me. There was a gaping hole where my heart once was. I'd been Edward's toy that had finally been thrown away but not without him taking the most important part of me first, my heart.

It hurt me but I had to get out of the house. It reminded me too much of him. Staying in my bedroom reminded me of the times he would sneak in after Charlie was asleep. The rest of the house was too happy, I needed to escape.

I didn't know where I was going but I knew I wasn't going to school. I couldn't handle the looks or my teachers right now. Walking out into the rain with only my blue sweater and some black jeans I walked down the street. I got some looks but I didn't care. If I'd gotten sick from the rain I'd be happier. Two motorcycles caught my attention along my aimless wondering.

I remembered the promise he'd forced upon me. "Well if you can break your promises why not me".

I walked up to the house determined to buy one of those bikes if not both. It was one of my old classmates selling them so the price was lowered a bit. My plan was easier when I'd decided to buy them but now who would teach me to ride them. I would also need a place to hide them since Charlie absolutely resents them. I was about to get a refund when a picture of Jacob crossed my mind. I decided he would be my best bet and headed over to his place. Miraculously the rain had stopped and I was dry by the time I got there.

Billy was there to answer the door and I felt extremely uncomfortable. "Can I see Jacob?" I asked politely.

He nodded his head and wheeled his chair back so I could come in as he went to go get Jacob. I sat on the couch, feeling nervous and stupid. I hadn't talked to Jake since the beach stunt and now out of no where I come to ask for his assistance. I really was a bad person. Before I could get any deeper into my self-loathing thoughts Jacob arrived. His smile lifted my spirits instantly. He excused us and took me out back to his 'office'.

I showed him the two bikes and asked if he could fix them. You should have seen the look in his eyes when he saw the bikes. I could already tell I choose the right mechanic. He started telling me of all the things he would need to fix and what not but he'd lost me when he'd started getting too technical. What was with boys and mechs?

"Bells I can fix them but it'll be a lot of money" he said almost guilty for speaking the truth. I smiled; he was being considerate for me. "Don't worry Jake I have a lot of money saved up so that isn't a problem".

After a lot of self-righteous arguments we'd decided he would help me fix the bikes and I'd pay him by giving him one of them. I told him we'd have to hide the bikes from Billy because if Charlie got wind of what we were doing I would be dead, literally. We spent the rest of the day catching up on old times and I couldn't help but feel that Jacob's presence was healing my wounds slightly. Sort of like placing a healing balm on an injury. I knew he couldn't heal me completely but with him I felt like I could try living a little. Edward would always have my heart and I'd probably never fully recover but getting stitches was better than nothing. I went home that day feeling better than I had in months. I met Charlie half-heartedly watching a football game. I think he could tell the change too because when he saw my face he cried.

My biological father Charlie never cries. I got most of my traits from him, my clumsiness and lack of beauty, all of it from him. We weren't the type to show emotion. For him to have cried meant me seeing Jacob today had really helped. I cooked some Turkish-style Pizza and left for bed soon after. The cold feeling crept up to me again and the searing pain from the hole in my chest began to hurt again. I knew instantly that this would be a night like the rest. I'd be plagued by nightmares and Charlie with my screams. Why couldn't my heart have fallen for someone who loved me back?

The next morning I woke up feeling like a zombie again. I was covered in sweat and gasping for air. I dragged my body towards the bathroom even though it felt like lead. I knew Charlie wouldn't approve of me missing school so much and after my adventure with Jacob I think I could use a bit of company. I tried to make myself as presentable as I could but tell me how can you make the dead look presentable again? Yeah you get the picture.

I walked downstairs and was surprised to see Charlie at the breakfast table. "You haven't gone to work yet dad?" I asked feeling sorry for him. If there was a way I could get sound proof doors for my room I would but I wasn't as rich as the Cullens. Damn I just had to think about them. I could already feel my wounds stinging. Pushing aside my feelings I made some cereal and ate quietly.

"Billy told me you came over yesterday".

So Billy had told him huh, it couldn't be helped. Whatever Billy knew Charlie did too, they were like that. I sighed, "Yeah I went to talk with Jake".

"He's a nice boy" he said. I was so tempted to agree but I knew if I did this conversation would be going somewhere unpleasant. I couldn't have that; I'd just gotten Charlie to cheer up a bit. "I'm going to school today".

Whether he noticed my changing of the subject or not Charlie didn't comment. "Is that so?"

"Yes, I have to take school work more seriously" I said. I say the delight in his eyes at my dedication to the institute. I wasn't fully healed and I couldn't promise him much but if studying would keep him happy then that was what I would do. I left for school shortly after he did for work. I took my raincoat this time since the forecast said it would rain, like that was any surprise. Forks had to be one of the most watery places in the world. There wasn't a day without rain. I walked calmly towards my 1953 Chevrolet Pickup Truck. I started the engine with a roar and then sped towards school. Do know that when I say sped I'm not truly speeding at all. My baby can't go over fifty without problems coming up. But I prefer it to Edward's volvo, my car has character after all. Another sting, damn I really should stop thinking about him.

I made it to school in one piece but I notice I was too early and simply decided to go to class before anyone got there. I waited for hours before class started and the students started pouring in. I was glad for a time that my teachers would not bring too much attention to me but that soon ended in Biology. The detested subject where I had first met him. Mr.Banner had called me out in class to ask why I hadn't been there in days. I couldn't give him an answer and ended up looking like a dead fish out of water. At the end of the day I went to each of my teachers to get all of my make-up work then went over to Jacob's to see how the bikes were coming along.

"How's it going Jake?" I asked as I saw him deep in work on a car I hadn't seen before. He turned around and smiled at me. His face was smeared with oil and dirty but he still found a way to look cute. I shook off the thought and took a seat on some random car parts. Jake soon followed after.

"Hey Bells I was just working on my Rabbit. I can't really start on the bikes yet because there are a lot of things we'll need to buy first".

I nodded my head not minding that I would have to spend my collage funds. I looked at the car again and saw it was almost fixed to some extent. "Your rabbit?" I asked wanting to know more about him.

Jacob's eyes brightened, "Yeah, it's not done yet but when it is I won't have to use Billy's car. She'll be a beauty I tell ya".

I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, something I haven't done in months. We chatted for a bit more before Jacob's friends Quil Ateara and Embry Call came. The two were fun to be around and they too helped heal my loneness to some extent. I was deeply saddened when I had to leave for home but the two promised to come by again.

When I got home Charlie smiled, something he hadn't truly done since my breakdown either. I told him of my day with Jacob and his friends, excluding the part about our bikes. Charlie seemed to brighten at the thought of me getting my life back together again. I knew that no matter how much Jacob's company had helped today it would only make what was coming tonight much worse. The heartache more defined as I have to relive that moment again. I took up our plates and headed up the stairs with my head bowed in defeat.

The dreams did come again. Sad and heart-wrenching like always as he told me goodbye. I dreamed of another shadow creeping up on me and then swallowing me whole. My body felt like it was being burned to dust but somewhere in my mind I knew this change in my dreams was better than watching Edward leave repeatedly. I would burn a thousand times if it would bring him back to me.

The next morning I awoke disappointed and tired. It was a Saturday and I knew there would be no chance of me staying home. I realized my collage funds would soon run out after my shopping trip with Jacob today so I decided I'd search for a job today. I dressed as quickly as I could, pulling on a V-cut sweater and black long jean skirt with my boots. I drove over to Jacob's, greeted Billy and headed parts shopping with Jake. To my surprise I learned new things about cars even without truly wanting to. Jacob looked too happy explaining to me for me to stop him. I drove him back to his house on La Push. He complained just like Edward on how slow my truck was and I couldn't help but feel the familiar stab. I hurried to make an excuse to my abrupt leave and drove off afterwards.

I didn't know where I'd be going so I decided to start my job hunt right then. I was lucky to be hired by Mike's mom but I couldn't stop the two of us from feeling awkward when we were placed at the register together. He tried to make a conversation, he really did but I wasn't feeling up to it. I ignored all his advances and thanked the heavens when my shift was over. I gunned it back home and ran up to my room. I saw the many Cds Edward had given me. I knew it would hurt me but what could I say I was becoming a machoist. I played one of them and listened to Edward's wonderful song. I didn't notice as time past or that I was crying until Charlie came in. I quickly turned off the music box and made my way downstairs.

Charlie saw my red eyes and his face fell. "Bella are you okay?"

I shook my head, I wasn't but he didn't need to know that. "Sorry I was just listening to a sad song upstairs. I'll start cooking dinner right away".

I rushed off into the kitchen and got our dinner going. Like the dinner before today I talked about me and Jacob's day. I wouldn't dare to take away my father's joy so I spent all night finishing homework and avoiding sleep. I must have dozed off after I was done because I awoke the next morning with my head lying on my trigonometry book. I smiled at myself when I realized I had been too tired to have any of my nightmares. I packed up my books and quickly got dressed for school. I wished Charlie good luck at work and drove off to school. Once again I was early but that didn't matter.

I paid rampant attention in every class in other to have an excuse for not talking to my friends. Once again I sat out gym because I knew no matter how much time I spent studying I would never be balanced enough to be considered 'safe' to play with in gym. My teacher had learned that the hard way when he'd armed me with a plastic softball bat. Somehow I had missed ever pitch but had found a way to make a 'plastic softball bat' a lethal weapon. When school was over with I became anxious to go over to Jacob's. I wanted to see how much progress he had made on the bikes but above all I wanted to see him.

I drove over to his place as soon as I got out of school. I said hi to Billy and followed Jacob to the garage. I gasped when I saw the bikes again. "You've really been working".

He gave me a toothy grin, "yeah I just couldn't keep my hands off them".

I shook my head fondly as he explained what parts went where. I didn't get half of what he was saying but his being there was enough to ease the ache in my heart. Quil and Embry came again as promised and we became fast friends by teasing Jacob. I was saddened when I had to leave for my part-time job but the three cheered me on. How I wished I'd gotten to truly know them before all this happened. It saddened me to think I was only using them to ease my suffering. I went to work, tried to ignore Mike and then came home, talked about my day and did my homework. The pattern continued for weeks.

Charlie began to cheer up. I know everyone was thinking I was getting over Edward but I'm sad to say I wasn't. Everyday I'd been tempted into listening to his piano playing on the cds he'd left me. It pained and relieved me at the same time. It helped me know Edward wasn't just a dream. That I'd been allowed into his fairytale even if it was only for a few minutes.

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Well guys how did you like this chapter? Review to tell please and thanks for reading. Till next time!


	3. Chapter 2: Who's watching?

_Do you know what it feels like  
loving someone that's in a rush to throw you away.  
(Do you know?)  
Do you know what it feels like  
to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed_

_ "Do you know?" by Enrique Iglesias_

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Chapter 2: Who's watching?

I awoke this morning in total disarray. My nightmare had seemed so real, I'd seen flaming red hair everywhere. What was this all about? I was thankful that my dreams were not of Edward for the first time since I came to Forks but still the dream scared me. I looked at my clock and saw it was about time for me to be getting to school. With a sigh I got up and heaved myself to the bathroom, took a long shower and then dressed as fast as I could. I made it safely down the steps without tripping and breaking something. As I walked into the dimly lighted living room I couldn't help but feel like someone was watching me. I searched the house just to be sure no burglar had gotten in. Thinking back on it now I don't know why I even did that. If there had been a burglar what would I have done? I finally decided I was just being stupid and left the house.

I drove as safely as I could to school and went through another torturing segment there. Finally when I thought I could take no more the bell rang and I was free to leave. It seemed I couldn't get to my car fast enough though because Mike caught up with me.

"Hey bella" he said, a little nervous.

"Hi Mike" I said while eyeing my car from the corner of my eye. I briefly wondered how many steps it would take for me to reach it. I listened distantly as he commented on how I was starting look like my old self and how he was wondering if I would be up for a movie. I had to put an end to it there. Sure Jacob was healing me slowly but I highly doubted I would be ready for any close-ups. "Mike I'm sorry but I'm not over him yet".

Stab of pain. And there it was another relapse. Yeah I definitely wasn't ready to get social with the world yet.

"Oh I see…" he said in a dejected tone. Truthfully it really hurt me to see him like this but how could I get him to stop. Before Edward I'd clearly told him no but he still didn't get that, what else could I do? I sighed and gave him a polite smile before high-tailing it to my truck and gearing up the engine. I drove off to Jacobs. I didn't need to look back to see I'd hurt Mike. Truly I was a walking disaster, I brought bad luck and pain to everyone I knew. For a minute I wanted to dwell on my dark thoughts but Jacob's house came into view and instantly I couldn't retain my bad feelings.

I saw him waving in front of the house before I even parked my truck. I allowed myself to smile back as I hopped off my truck and headed his way.

"Hi Bells, come see!" he said excitedly. Before I could protest he grabbed my hand and led me towards the Garage. I gasped when I saw both of our bikes, finished, painted and shining. "Jacob…this is amazing!"

"Isn't it?" he replied still grinning his toothy grin. I couldn't help myself and I laughed. He looked too cute when he was happy. I looked closer at the bikes. One was red and the other black. I noticed the pink bow on the red bike and scowled. "Jake what's with the bow, it's not exactly my color?"

His eyes nearly popped out before he doubled over laughing. What was so funny about me asking about the bow? I huffed and glared at him until he stopped laughing though I could still see his eyes were clearly still amused.

"Bells you forgot what today was didn't you. It's your birthday" he finished. I gasped, how could I have forgotten?! But then a sickening feeling came over me. I was aging and Edward would forever remain seventeen. Jacob seemed to notice my lack of response and instantly took it as his fault. "I'm sorry Bells, Billy told me you don't like doing things up for you birthday but I didn't listen. I…"

I shook my head before he could go on. "It's not your fault Jacob. I was just thinking of him…"

Instantly his face soured, "You're thinking about that Cullen guy aren't you. He left you Bella let it go".

I glared at him but then bit back my next remarks. He was right, Edward had left me. He'd said quiet clearly he didn't love me yet why is it my heart finds that so hard to accept? I notice my eyes tearing up and instantly I tried to repress my rush of emotions. "Jake lets not talk about that okay?"

"Fine but I'm only doing this for you Bells".

Yes only for me, Jacob was so considerate like that. I'd used him so many times but yet he didn't mind or comment. I walked forward and ran my stubby fingers over the paint job. "You're really went all out".

"Yeah I wanted to impress you" his cheeks colored a bit and I chuckled. He wasn't giving up was he? Sometimes I wished I _**had**_ met Jacob first. Maybe then I could have given him a fair chance. As of now my heart belongs and would always belong to Edward. "You gonna teach me to ride or what?"

He grinned and packed the bikes on my truck and drove off to his destined practice spot. On the way I couldn't help but notice the boys jumping of the cliff. When I asked he'd said it was Sam Uley and his gang. We'd made plans to jump ourselves some other day but now my focus was on not dying while I'm learning how to ride my bike. Jacob was trying to assure me everything would go fine but the more I thought about it the more I thought my plan was a bust. I wasn't sure I would hear Edward's voice if I did this and if in the end I didn't hear it what would I do then. I sighed and gave it a try.

It was instant; I heard Edward's voice telling me to stop. That this was dangerous and I was being stupid. I couldn't keep myself from feeling exhilarated though when I felt the wind whip through my hair. My first try ended with my getting scraps and almost breaking my head but it had been worth it. For weeks I and Jacob practiced on our bikes until I could ride without a problem. As I got better at riding Edward's voice became more distant until I could no longer hear it. This saddened me but Jacob was always there to pick me up again.

Charlie now trusted me enough to be able to go fishing without worrying that I would have committed suicide by the time he got home. My school grades were perfect and I was under the illusion that things were getting better. I was still plagued by nightmares when I wasn't too tired to dream and Charlie was still saddened by my screams but things were looking better. Or so I thought anyway.

I received a rude awakening on a Sunday morning when something had tempted me to go to the meadow Edward had shown me once before. I had driven my truck there and hiked the rest of the way there. For some reason the meadow wasn't as beautiful or nearly as magical as it had been the day Edward had shown it to me. It maddened and saddened me but I understood that wherever Edward was there would be magic. I don't know why but I decided to seat and just re-think my life. I was so deep in my thoughts and painful memories of Edward and me that I missed the brisling noise made by the bushes. It wasn't until a shadow loomed over me that I understood that I wasn't alone. I looked up to glare at the person that dared to intrude on this moment but instantly froze. I simply forgot how to breathe. "Victoria…"

"You're pathetic you know that. I only needed you to do one simply thing for me and what do you do? You screw it up!"

"What are you talking about?" I weakly asked already picturing my death at her hands. _Edward!_ I screamed in my head but I knew there would be no answer. He wouldn't care if a useless human girl like me was killed. He probably wouldn't have even guessed what had happened to me. I could feel tears stream down my cheeks from my dark desolate thoughts.

Victoria took it as fear and snared, "Really you're useless". She said almost like she could read my mind. Briefly I thought how angry Edward would be. He'd spent hours wondering why he couldn't read my mind like he could others. If he found out Victoria could he'd be pissed. Victoria didn't notice my lack of attention and continued her speech. "I just needed you to keep him interested so that I could kill you and hurt him but you couldn't even do that!" she hissed.

My vision was getting bleary due to my tears but I could still see her red eyes glowing before me. "Why are you doing this?"

"It's simply really, a mate for a mate. You guys killed my baby James well I'm only repaying the favor. Too bad though it seems Edward has no interest in you anymore. Oh well I'll just kill you and go chase after the stupid coward wherever he maybe!"

She rose up her claws ready to strike me down and in that moment I knew this was the end of me. I felt everything slow and time seemed to still. I looked into Victoria's blazing eyes and sighed. Death didn't seem so threatening anymore. I stopped clawing at her wrist that held my throat in a death grip and let them lay limp at my side. I close my eyes and let a sweet smile grace my lips as I waited for the final blow. I waited and waited but it never came. I heard a series of growls and snarls. Slowly I cracked my eyes open to see Victoria battling with a group of large dogs.

I couldn't say I was relieved at my saviors. The over grown pack of dogs scared me to death. They were the size of mountains with huge menacing teeth. Out of all of them the one with a reddish tinted fur attracted me instantly. I looked towards Victoria only to see the vampire scared and second thinking her situation. Then suddenly Laurent came crashing through the trees, battling a wolf of his own. Victoria took the distraction and escape but Laurent wasn't as luck and the huge dogs ganged up to devour him. I sat there on the ground, absolutely terrified but not knowing what to do.

The large wolfish dogs finished off Laurent and started to circle me. I sat there paralyzed and staring at the red one. I didn't know why but I felt alright with that one. The said wolf was very quiet while his companions howled and growled. Finally when I could assure myself that they wouldn't attack me I tried walking out of the circle they were making but the largest one blocked my way. I slowly backed up but stopped when the wolf, which is what I'd decided to call them since they were too big to be dogs, started to glow. I stood idly by as it began to change into a man. I noticed the man would have no clothes on and dropped my stare to the ground.

"Isabella Swan" said a familiar voice. So familiar that I had to look up just to make sure I wasn't dreaming any of this. "Sam?"

"Bella what are you doing here?" he asked with a scowl on his face. I felt color rush into my cheeks at seeing the respected man naked. I looked away and tried to answer, "I came to relax here".

"Why was that Vampire after you?" asked Sam with a cold voice. There was no room for lies in his order.

"Victoria came to kill me" I said and it was as if my saying it finally allowed what was truly happening to register in my mind. My knees buckled underneath me as I stared blindly ahead. _I almost got killed_, I thought dumbly. Slowly the world began to spin around me and darkness began to cloud my vision.

I didn't know what happened but when I woke up I was lying on a warm bed that I didn't recognize.

"Looks like she's awake" commented a voice.

I turned as fast as I could to see Quil grinning at me. "Where am I Quil?"

"You're over at Jacob's place, don't worry Billy knows about all this" he quickly added in as if I was worry about that. What I wanted to know was how long Jacob had known Edward was a vampire. "Can I see Jacob?"

"Already called him Bella, he'll be here soon" said a grinning Quil. It was then that I noticed how big he had gotten. I looked closer at his physic; he must have been packing six packs or more because he looked pretty built. I rested my head on the pillows below me not really feeling up to moving yet. My mind raced to flashes of Victoria and instantly I jumped out of bed. "Where is she?"

Quil looked bewildered, "what are you talking about Bella?"

"She's talking about the vamp that nearly killed her you dimwit" said a familiarly husky voice. I looked away from Quil to spot Jacob. I was so elated I could have jumped right into his arms but I decided it was better I didn't. "Hey Jake…"

"Hey Bells…geez things really have gotten screwed up now haven't they" he replied sheepishly as he ran his hand through his hair much like Edward would when he was frustrated. Damn stop thinking about him Bella. Scolding myself was no use, I sank back onto the bed and cradled my face in my hands. "Victoria came to kill me you know".

"So that's the bloodsucker's name huh" he said with a deep hatred I was sure couldn't have come from my Jacob. I brought my face out of my hands and looked at this new Jacob closely. How had I missed his growing height, he almost looked like a mountain from where I was seating. My Jacob had turned into a stud over night or had it been days and I just was too rapped up in my misery to see. I sighed and looked down at my feet. "Since when?"

"Since when what?"

I sighed, "Since when I have I been hanging around a werewolf?"

I heard Jacob and Quil gasp but then came the uncomfortable silence. "Does it matter?" he asked in a quiet voice.

I looked up, hoping I hadn't hurt their feelings without knowing it. "I'm not saying anything is wrong with it Jake! It's just I couldn't imagine you leaving me out of some secret. I'm sorry".

"oh Bells I wanted to tell you, Embry and Quil too but it's sort of a secret" he was looking at his feet again. I smiled at Quil, "So who's the red werewolf?"

Jacob gasped in shock, "that's me!"

My smile grew, "I guess I can always pick you out. So where are the others?" I asked, clearly I'd remembered more than four wolves there.

"Sam and the others are running patrols but Bells why was that bloodsucker after you?"

I gave a dejected sigh and went about spilling my guts. I told them everything, from my involvement with the Cullens to James and why Victoria was here. I hadn't noticed it when more people had been coming in. By the end of my tale I was brought to tears with Embry trying to comfort me.

"Oh Bella it's going to be alright" he cooed as he rubbed circles into my back. Jacob smacked his fist into his palm. "Those damn bloodsuckers!" he cursed Edward and all the other Cullens along with him.

I shook my head, "Don't be mad at them Jake, they didn't know".

He gave me an incredulous look, "are you crazy Bells?! They left you high and dry. How can you still defend them so devotedly Bells?"

I understood half of what he was saying. It made perfect sense, the Cullens left me I should be angry at them for Victoria's visit and angry at them for not doing anything to protect me but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to be. It wasn't Edward's fault he got bored of me. I couldn't hate Alice, Jasper, Emse, Emmett, Carlisle or even Rosalie. I couldn't, I just can't bring myself to do it. I nearly voiced out my thanks to Sam when he changed the subject.

"Well if this Victoria is after Bella we need to set up more patrols. We'll try to lure her out with Bella. I'll have Paul and Jared watch Charlie".

My heart leapt up to my throat. Charlie! How oh how could I have forgotten about him? I'd gotten him mixed into this now. To the angels out there why was I such a burden to everyone around me? I watched dully as Sam talked to the pack about their plans on cornering Victoria. The planning went till mid afternoon and then I had to excuse myself since I needed to get home. Jacob made an offer to walk me home which I gratefully accepted. The winds on the way home were cold but somehow when Jake placed his hand on mine I felt warm. "You're warm you know that?"

"Yeah, it's a werewolf thing. I'll never get cold with me around Bells" he cheerfully proclaimed and in that moment I wanted to believe in Jake. I wanted to believe he could salvage the pieces Edward had left in his wake. "Jake I'm not whole. I can't move this relationship any further than friends. Will you still stay with me?"

I was being selfish I knew. This would hurt Jacob but I knew he wouldn't turn his back on me. His reply hurt me ten times more than I thought it would.

"I'll wait, someday you'll forget him" his voice was quiet and I could see his dark eyes staring at my hand where James had left the crescent scar. I had been close to turning then but Edward had sucked out the poison. Now I wonder if it was just that he didn't want to have to deal with me for an eternity. "Jake you're not going to age are you?"

He shook his head as if it was a sad thing. "Not until the Vampires are away from here for good".

"It must be hard" I said looking up at the stars. My hand still in his as we walked closer to my street. We walked on in silence until we were right in front of my door. "Bye Jake" I said a little sad to have my cure leave me to my nightmares.

"Don't worry about anything Bells me and Sam and the guys won't let anything happen to you. Come over to my place tomorrow okay".

"Sure" I said and then I was gone. I slumped against the door, one barrier among the thousands of them that kept me away from Jake. How unfair I was being to him, giving him so much hope just to turn him down. I knew things were going too far but how could I safely stop it all without hurting him. I think of Jake as a brother but every time I look into those dark eyes I saw what he truly wanted and it scared me. I placed dinner in the microwave and dragged myself upstairs to my room. I shuddered at how cold and dark it was. I could feel the gapping hole in my chest twitch with pain until the whole onslaught arrived bringing me to my knees and gasping for air. I clawed at my bed sheets, pulling them around me and curled up into a ball on the fall as I faced the pain of remembering.

I knew telling all those things to Jake and the others would reopen my wounds. I had been asking for it. The pain reached up from within me and squeezed with all its might. I curled even further into myself and cried harder. That must have been how Charlie found me when he walked in because I couldn't remember tucking myself in. I awoke to the sound of something scratching by my window. For a minute my heart leapt once again thinking of the only one who's ever done this. Sadly when I went to check it was only Jacob.

"Bells it's me, open the window will you" he whispered probably so he wouldn't wake Charlie. I unlatched the window's lock and let him in. I walked back towards my bed and plumped down. "Jake do you know what time it is?"

"Course I do Bells. I just felt like seeing you. I was kind of worried" he explained. Oh Jacob always so caring and loving. I could never give him what he deserved, why he even bothered with me I wouldn't know. "Jake promise me you and the others will be okay".

He looked startled. "Why do you say that Bells? One Vamp isn't too much for us to handle".

I shook my head remembering the fight between James and Edward. I didn't know much about werewolves but I don't think they have the strength of a vampire. I imagined Jacob getting clawed to shreds by Victoria's hands and I couldn't keep from shuddering. "Jacob Black promise me you guys will be fine".

He sighed; I guess he finally realized that I was serious. "I promise Bells".

"Thanks. Great now I have werewolves as my loyal knights in shining armor". Did I ever mention I couldn't tell a joke to save my life? Apparently Jacob didn't want me to feel bad so he laughed but we both knew the funny thing about that joke was how lame it had been. I sighed and gave him a rueful smile which he returned before leaping out of my window. What have I ever done to deserve his loyalty?

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Well I'll stop the chapter here; tell me how you like it by reviewing.

Chibi narrator: Man no reviews so far, I wonder if this story is any good.

Itachi: Wait a little longer before giving up hope.


	4. Chapter 3: The Fall

_Feels like the weight of the world,  
Like God in heaven gave me a turn.  
Don't cling to me, I swear I can't fix you.  
Still in the dark, can you fix me?_

_Freefall, freefall, all through life._

_If you love me, then let go of me.  
I won't be held down by who I used to be.  
She's nothing to me._

_Feels like the weight of the world,  
Like all my screaming has gone unheard.  
And oh, I know you don't believe in me.  
Safe in the dark, how can you see?_

_Evanescence-weight of the world_

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Chapter 3: The fall

When I awoke the next morning I don't know what this feeling was. I just couldn't understand my impulse to see the Cullen's house again. I looked out of my window; it was still dark out and the sun hadn't risen yet. I jumped into a pair of black jeans and grabbed my gray jacket. I didn't want to wake Charlie so I did my best to miss that floorboard that always squeaked. Sneaking out of the house without making a single noise was by no means an easy thing for someone as clumsy as me to do but I was able to do it. I breathed in a deep breathe of cool air once I was on the other side of the door.

I still could not understand my desire to go to Edward's house. It would surely only leave me with more bad memories but I couldn't stop my feet from taking the familiar dirt path. When I arrived the lights in the large white house were on. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I rubbed my eyes repeatedly but the lights did not disappear like Edward used to. _Have they really come back?_ I asked myself but before I could get my answer from the more rational part of my mind my feet were moving again.

I walked up the front steps and twisted the knob to the large door. The house was just as I'd remembered it but for some reason it was colder than I remembered. I walked further into the elegant home. I felt my shredded heart plummet to my stomach. They weren't here, what kind of a sick joke was this? I felt anger rise inside me at the thought of some adolescent teens coming to play around in the cullen's home. I clenched my fists and took a look around. First I checked in Alice's room then Jasper's and then Emmett's but still no one. With a gulp I turned the knob for Edward's room. I opened this door more slowly than I had the others. I could feel tears fall down my cheeks as I walked into the empty room. Edward had made sure to make it so he was erased from my memory. Everything of his was gone. I walked to the center of the room and screamed. "why!"

"Let it go Bells". My head spanned around to see Jacob and Seth standing by the doorway. I furiously rubbed away the evidence of my breakdown, not like they needed to see the tears to know. I turned to them fully, "What are you guys doing here? Were you the ones who turned on the lights?"

Seth walked towards me, probably to comfort me. He was a good kid out of all of the other wolves.

"Bella we didn't turn on the lights. We were keeping watch over you. We followed you here".

I glared a bit at Jacob for this. I didn't need a watch dog, what I needed was my friend; my Jacob. With a heavy sigh I fell back onto the floor and held my face in my hands. "So who did? Who would hurt me like this?" I did not expect the answer I got. Truthfully I would have rather done without it.

"I would" said a familiar silk voice. My head spanned up in horror. Vaguely I heard Jacob and Seth growl but my mind was solely focused on the vampire before me. "Victoria…"

"Yes glad to see you remember me. I really do like this house…"

"What are you doing here?" snarled Jacob. He was standing in front of me as a barrier between me and Victoria. I held onto his arm, I didn't want him to get hurt because of me. I looked towards Seth but he'd already turned into a wolf with brown fur. Were they really planning to fight Victoria without all of them present? Didn't that go against the wolf's rule of unity or something?

"Stay away from Bella!" hissed Jacob with his fangs blaring. Victoria seemed to dismiss him and looked towards me. "Your wolf friends can't help you, you know that right?"

"Shut up bitch" for some reason Jacob's use of language didn't annoy me like it usually would. I didn't notice I was clutching onto his arm now. My breathing was uneven as I stared into her red eyes. They seemed to be already seeing my death and she hasn't even done anything yet. I was startled when ten other vampires raced into the room. All of their eyes were a blaring red; newborns. "Jake where are the others?" I whispered even though I know Victoria could probably hear quite clearly what I was saying.

"They're on their way here Bells. Run Bells, Seth will protect you" he said to me without turning. I looked towards his back with pleading eyes, how did he expect me to just leave him here to die?! "Jacob what are you saying!"

"Not now Bells, Sam and the others will be here soon. You need to get out of here!" he yelled as he spread his arms in a protective pose. Victori hissed at him but he did not back down. She probably didn't like the sound of other werewolves coming to bust her party.

"What will you do Bella? You know it wouldn't take much for me to break this little mutt of yours" said Victoria as she walked to stand before her army of newborns. By the numbers I definately knew now where all those hikers have been disappearing to. They were probably Victoria and her goons' meals. I was so into my thoughts that I was startled when Jacob pushed me towards Seth and ordered for him to get me out of here. I didn't have much of a choice when Seth's strong teeth gripped my jeans and forced me to run with him. I gave one last longing look towards Jacob, my second chance at love and my little brother figure. I was crying as I ran along side Seth to wherever he was taking me. I gasped when something blurred in front of Seth and I.

"grrr…" it was a newborn and he was looking mighty hungry. Before I could react Seth leaped for the vampire's throat. The two fell to the ground and began to tumble. I heard Seth yelp and whimper a couple of times but those were enough to get me moving again. I shook myself and looked for the nearest stone or stick to hit the bastard with. I grabbed a thick branch by my side and charge at the two. When I was sure I wouldn't hit Seth I whacked the newborn with all my might. The branch didn't survive the hit but it was enough to confuse the young vamp. I took this time to call Seth so we could start running again. As we ran we started hearing the sounds of battle from the direction of the house. I felt bad that such a horrible thing was going on in that old priceless house that Esme had worked so hard to furnish. Even more terrible was my fear that I would be losing all of my new protectors. Was my life really worth it?

I didn't notice when Leah, Seth's sister had joined us. She and Seth seemed to send secret messages to one another that I could not hear. It didn't seem like she wanted to guard me and even less did she want her brother to. When we decided we were a safe distance from the house Seth and Leah transformed back. I tossed Leah my jacket even though it was still chilly out. I was sure she wouldn't want her little brother seeing her womanhood. She glared at me but seemed to find reason in my idea.

"Well what are we going to do?" asked Seth. He looked like he was going through an inner conflict. I could tell he wanted to go back to help Jake and the others but another part of him wanted to help me. Truth be told I'd rather he went back to help the others. "Seth I think you should go back to help the others. I can stay in this cottage and hide. Come get me when everything's clear".

He gave me a searching look and I made sure to look determined so he didn't see how truly afraid I was. I looked towards Leah for backup which she was all too happy to give.

"Bro I think she can take care of herself. If we do our job and keep those vamps busy they won't think to come here" she assured. Seth seemed to believe in his sister and the two morphed back into their wolf forms. They took off as fast as they could towards the house while I went into the cottage to hide. It was a pretty old cottage and for one minute I wondered what it would look like if Alice had her way with it. I decided to hide in the most traditional place to hide, the closet. It was large and I had more than enough room to move around. I tried to calm down, I really did but I couldn't help but pace around the large closet.

"What are you so nervous about Bella?" said a voice. I didn't think much of it at first and replied, "I'm worried about the others. I hope Victoria doesn't harm them".

"Oh I won't but you will" said the voice yet again. I turned around slowly, almost automatically. "What…"

Low and behold there stood Victoria right behind me with her fangs peeking out from her smile. I felt like screaming but my body seemed to just shut down. "How?"

"Oh this is my ability you didn't know? Of course you didn't know. You and your Edward didn't think to know who you were messing with before you killed my James. I can make a duplicate of myself you know. It's not as cool as James' tracking skills but it helps when I need it to". She said all this like she was just talking about the weather and like she wasn't planning to kill me two seconds from now. I gulped and searched for an exit while I kept her busy. "What are you going to do with me?" a stupid question I know but I needed to stall for time. Jacob and the others must have noticed her trick by now.

"Oh I was going to kill you before just to lure out Edward but I think I have something better for you. You seem to be tortured by the mere thought of Edward. I was thinking, what if you had to live forever with the knowledge of knowing the love of your live dumped you. With the understanding that he's probably with some other bimbo right now; hugging her, kissing her and if she's a vampire probably screwing her brains out".

I held my hands up to my ears. I didn't need to her this, not so bluntly, not while I knew she might be right. If Edward were still with me I would have jumped at the chance of being made immortal by him. But he no longer was and my reason to be immortal is gone. My life is meaningless now. I looked up towards Victoria as she started to stalk towards me. I moved back instinctively and grasped at anything I could use to hit her. I found an old metal bat. For once I prayed my ability to turn anything into a lethal weapon came into play. Victoria certainly didn't think I was much of a threat. She kept walking forward, getting closer and closer to me as I was slowly backed into a corner. I couldn't stand this anymore, I charged at her. A stupid action I knew but what did I have to lose. She was a vampire and even if I tried to run without crippling her I would have no chance of getting past the closet door before she caught me again. I sung with all my might. Victoria seemed to take some sort of morbid glee from this and grabbed onto the bat as it came down on her shoulder like it was baton. I tried to pull it back but she held stead fast to the bat. I looked into her eyes and she looked amused. "That all you got sister?"

I felt like crying at her mocking tone. I made to step back and let go of the bat but she grabbed my wrist and pulled me forward. "I'm not letting you go without punishment".

"Bella!" How I'd missed that voice. I twisted my head towards the door. This time I did cry at the sight of Jacob. "Jake help me".

"I'm coming Bella. Bitch let go of her or I'll rip you to shreds!" yelled Jake as he charged towards Victoria. He was morphing as he crossed the room. A large red wolf leapt at Victoria's head but before he could get to her a random newborn tackled him. Jacob and the newborn went at it for awhile but I watched in awe as Jacob tore that vampire to shreds as he had promised Victoria.

"Bella!" I heard Seth yell but I didn't have time to think of what he meant or why he'd yelled the way he had until it was too late. I felt her teeth sink into my throat two seconds too late to pull away. I felt more tears slip down my eyes as I felt the flames erupt from within me as they had when James bit my hand. I could feel her sucking out my blood and leaving me on the brink of death just to make things more interesting for her. I saw five other werewolves enter the room. Their furs were stained red from the blood of the newborns they'd taken down. "_I don't want this…"_ I whispered but it was too late, my vision was already turning black.

"Bella!" I vaguely heard Jacob and Seth scream my name before growls were hurled at someone else in the room. I had been so strong to deal with the supernatural for so long, maybe Jacob was right. Maybe I could no longer keep up with the supernatural. Edward had left me and now I was dying, my heart beat slowing only to never beat again. I could feel the heat spreading from within my throat. It was painful, I felt like my blood was larva and I was been dissolved from the inside out. Disintegrating all my weak human cells and replacing them with stronger ones. It was so hot, I felt like I was being burned alive over and over again. The fire only seemed to be getting hotter as time passed and I was tempted to scream. To yell for someone to kill me but I knew Jacob was with me at the time. If he heard me say such things he would feel guilty for not protecting me, Leah might actually fulfill my wishes. I couldn't feel anything but the burning in my limbs.

I expected to see my limbs roasted when and if I awoke. Suddenly something cool fell over me. It was like I'd been thrown from the fire to the freezer and then the two mixed. When I was getting used to being frozen I was quickly tossed back into the ever burning flames. Being stabbed by icy blades was far from a fun experience. I felt like screaming but with all of my will power I kept my mouth shut. I would not worry those I loved. I don't know how long it was, I lost sight of time with the pain but finally the icy feeling began to recede from my joints. Soon after my body slowly stopping burning but I was sure I would never forget such a feeling ever in my soon to be immortal life.

"Bells?" I heard Jacob's uncertain voice. I wonder how I must have looked to him. If I looked as much as I felt just a few minutes ago then I would surely look like a roasted human.

"Jake…" I crooked, my voice raspy from being unused for days. I cracked my eyes open to see Jake's worried face looking down at me. I tried to smile but even that seemed impossible.

"She up?" asked a new deep voice. Before I could identify who owned the voice my body jerked up and flipped. I didn't know I had been on a table but now I was crouching down in a defensive pose.

"She's a real piece of work isn't she?" said the same voice but now that my mind was working I could link it up with Sam. The big man was standing by the doorway with Embry and Quil. I looked at each of them and for the first time it looked like I was really seeing them. I could see all the details to Sam's scar but the man I always thought to be scary was actually handsome in his own dark way. Embry still had the boyish charm to him. I was completely taken by surprise because of my new sharp eyesight. And then it hit me, my sense of smell had changed too. I could smell faint fragrances that I probably would have missed as a human. From how Edward and the other vampires acted every time they met a werewolf I thought Jake and the others would smell horrible. I was surprised that they didn't smell any bit different than when I was human. Sure there was that little manly, natural, masculine scent to them but it didn't bother me.

"Bella are you okay? You're kind of freaking everyone out" said Quil, so gentle hearted. I walked towards Jacob and I saw him tense but then relax. I reached out to him. "Jake, what happened Jake?"

"Bells Victoria bit you and then you sort of fainted. It was weird watching you die like that, seeing your body turn into one of theirs. We couldn't do anything to help" said Jacob almost in shame. I walked up to him and placed my hand on his face. My fingers felt everything; his skin was so soft and warm. Without meaning to I sighed, "it isn't your fault Jake. We didn't know about Victoria's ability, hell even the cullens didn't. I won't blame you for anything. I should be thanking you instead. You didn't kill me while I was transforming as you should have. By the treaty laws you could have killed me because I wasn't one of the cullens".

Jacob gasped and stared at me with disbelieving eyes. "Bells I would never do that to you! God Bells do you know what you're saying? Even Sam wouldn't do such a thing". He looked towards Sam for assurance but for some reason something at the corner of the room was more important to Sam at the moment. He didn't meet Jake's eye and neither did Leah. "You guys would wouldn't you?"

"Jacob listen we wouldn't do that. Its just she's one of them now." said Paul looking guilty as well. Seth gave a disbelieving gasp as he stepped towards me in my defense. It was then that I noticed the cast on his arm. "Seth your arm…"

"Oh this it's just a little scratch from when I was attack by Victoria after she had bitten you. I meant to say sorry for landing so heavily on you but I guess you didn't feel it then" he said sheepishly and I couldn't help but giggle. Here he was in a cast and he was still apologizing to me for something that couldn't have been helped. It took me by surprise how my voice had changed. I hadn't paid it much attention until now but my voice sounded like bells. "I really am a vampire now…"

Jared looked shocked by something but then his eyes began to dance with joy at something. He couldn't be happy that I was a vampire now could he?

"Bella listen closely" I wanted to ask what that had to do with anything but he would not let me. Fine, with a huff I did as he asked. I listened, straining my new ears to listen to everything. And then I found it. In the midst of all these strong hearts there was a weaker one. Its beat was slow but strong, it was someone's heartbeat but no one in this room was dieing. I looked around confused but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. _Dieing_. This was my heartbeat. The others were listening along with me. "How?" I choked out.

Jacob gave me a toothy grin. "Well it looks like the tramp didn't even do it right Bells, some Vampire she was".

There was a bit of relief within me when I heard Jacob use the past tense when speaking of Victoria. At least one bad thing in my life would be gone. We were all raveling in this new discovery and didn't notice when the newcomer stepped into the cottage.

"So this is where it was coming from…" she mused. My eyes and those of the others in the room snapped onto the woman leaning against the doorway. I didn't need to be told to know she was a vampire. Her pale dark skin and unearthly beauty gave that away right from the start. She was slim with tender curves, medium length black hair that she placed in braids. She had a heart-shaped face with stunning large silver eyes. But that couldn't be right; she had to be wearing on contacts because Vampires were only supposed to have red or gold for an eye color. And that all depended on their diet. She must have known how beautiful she was because she was wearing a black turtle-neck tanktop that exposed her stomach with leather black jeans, designed with red hot flaming designs by its sides and tears at random places. She was bear fit and I could already tell she was a weird one but there was some comfort to her.

"Who are you?" demanded Sam already motioning for some of the other to change. Leah, Paul, Jared and Brandy were all too happy to oblige. Apparently Victoria and her batch of newborns weren't enough fun for these guys. The woman shifted her feet a little and seemed to frown. It looked so wrong on a perfect face such as her's. I looked over to Jacob and Seth. They seemed to be staring intently at this newcomer but for different reasons. Jacob seemed to be assessing her ability to fight from where she stood and Seth was well just staring. It kind of reminded me of how Quil looks at Emily's two year old sister Claire. I felt the wind being knocked out of me when I realized what was happening. Seth had imprinted on this vampire. She was his soul mate like Claire was to Quil or Sam and Emily. Suddenly I was feeling really dizzy.

"Hey look I'm not an enemy alright. Truthfully I was just passing by and you don't have to worry about me eating anyone or anything here. Besides trying to scrape me to pieces I think you should be more watchful of that one behind you. She looks like she's about to collapse any minute" the strange vampire suggest as she pointed towards me. The others seemed to finally relax just a little but with Sam there was no such thing if a vampire was around. I know he was on guard even when Jacob was talking to me. Jacob moved over to my side once more to check if anything was wrong. When he couldn't see or feel anything wrong he pulled up a chair and asked me to seat down. I thanked him as silently as I could before placing my head in my hands and trying to stop the room from spinning. I hadn't known my neck was exposed until I heard a hiss from the newcomer.

"You're really something you know that? It was your scent that called me here from miles off the highway. Hey girl do you know your blood sings so clearly any Vampire within a five mile radios would come running here for a taste". The others hissed at this and once again the lady raised her hands in the 'I surrender' pose. I wanted to laugh again about how comical this was but then the weight of everything started to weigh down on me. I was a Vampire now or at least something to that effect. What would happen to Charlie? To Renee? How would she go on living? Maybe Jacob and Leah should have killed me when they had the chance. And now what was this about me attracting other vampires. I sighed, what was I going to do now?

"Hey you listening to me?" called the mysterious woman as she poked my head. I looked up at her, surprised at how beautiful she looked up close not to mention shocked that the others let her through their blockade. She seemed to feel my shock and smiled. "You're one of those aren't you? Hey What's your name?"

Finally a question I could answer out of all this fog of unmatched uncertainties. "My name is Bell, Isabella Marie Swan".

"I'm Yuki Song, I'm mixed with some Japanese so that examples the name. My first name means 'snow' by the way. You look tired, why don't you rest and I'll talk with these fine gentlemen". I couldn't refuse her offer, I was already asleep. I wonder what will happen to me from here on out. If I'm with Jake and the others and probably Yuki too I think I'll be fine. How I will miss Charlie.

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Well guys how did you like this chapter? Please review and thanks for reading.

Chibi narrator: Next chapter!

Itachi: might want to take it easy on your fingers.

Chibi narrator: it's okay but I guess you're right. I wonder when I'll put Edward in.

Itachi: Is he even going to go out with Bella?

Edward: Am I?

Chibi Narrator: Of course you are! You're part of this drama is yet to come hon!

Itachi and Edward back up: Why does she look so scary when she says that?


	5. Chapter 5: Not normal

_You've found hope  
You've found faith,  
Found how fast she could take it away.  
Found true love,  
Lost your heart.  
Now you don't know who you are._

_She made it easy,  
Made it free,  
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.  
Sometimes it stops,  
Sometimes it flows,  
But baby that is how love goes._

_You will fly and you will crawl;  
God knows even angels fall.  
No such thing as you lost it all.  
God knows even angels fall._

_It's a secret no one tells;  
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.  
It's no fairy tale;  
Take it from me,  
That's the way it's supposed to be._

_"Even angels fall" by Jessica Riddle._

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Chapter 5: A new way of life

I don't know how long I slept but when I awoke the next morning I had a huge migraine. It felt like someone had been pounding a hammer on my head repeatedly while I slept. I moaned and instantly I was caught off guard by the way my voice sounded. It sounded so much like Alice's but yet there was some part of me still within it. I rubbed at my eyes before opening them, a habit I could not be rid of since childhood. Instantly I shut them and then reopened them slowly. Everything was too vivid; I could see the littlest things that the ordinary eye would miss. I briefly wondered if this is how Edward's world looked like, if he could see every stitch in the curtains or even the smallest stains on the rugs. If that was the case it was no wonder that he left me. He must have had to see me aging with each day.

"Finally awake" asked someone to my left. I nearly jumped out of my skin in shock. I hadn't even noticed someone was seating right beside me, so much for stronger senses. I turned to face Yuki. I was startled by her beauty yet again; surely she was the type Edward went out to search for. A pain rip into my chest just for the mere thought of him with another. It wasn't until ten more minutes that I figured out I had been caught staring. I felt so mortified; the awkwardness of the whole thing was just killing me. "Hello…" I tried to reveal the tension in the room, truly I did but once again I fell flat on my face. I was so glad when Jacob came into the small room.

"Hey Bells you're awake!" he cheered and I smiled. Leave it to Jake to take away any tension. Yuki seemed to relax as well as she leaned backwards slightly. "Hello Bella I'm Yuki, do you remember me?"

I nodded my head; I don't think she was someone I could forget even if I tried. Other than Victoria she was the only Vampire I'd seen in months.

"Bella I wanted to talk to you about what happened with the other vampires you've encountered" said Yuki, quite frankly if you'd ask me. She didn't seem to be one to beat around the bush so to speak. I geared up and told her all I could about everything, from the first day I met him to Victoria's attack. I felt sorry for Jake, he'd have to hear me rave about Edward; the man he'd ranked second best to in my heart. Briefly I wondered why he didn't just escape and leave the room, I know I would have. But he stayed and listened to it all with that pained look in his eyes.

"Bella I can't really say anything. I'm a bit confused" Yuki looked puzzled and her silver eyes shifted onto Jacob. "Mind bringing the pack together? I want to get down to the bottom of this; Bella isn't acting the way a new born should".

"Maybe because she isn't a damn vamp" muttered Jacob as stood by the door. Yuki snorted, "Keep dreaming lover-boy, you've seen her eye color and the changes in her body. If Bella isn't some percent Vampire then I'm Mary Poppings".

I laughed at Yuki's sense of humor but my joy left when Jacob growled and slammed the door. With a resigned sigh I looked out the window. It seems I'm never normal, not as a human and not even as a Vampire. The funny thing was I felt that somehow being a Vampire or whatever I was is completely natural for me, like I was born to be like this.

"Mind telling me what's on your mind?" said Yuki resting her chin on her hands. I gave her a forced smile, not used to her presence yet. "I'm not sure how to say it but I feel natural this way, more-so than when I was even human".

I saw Yuki's eyes widened and instantly I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. I probably sounded like I wanted the whole fiasco with Victoria to happen. We sat there in an odd silence until Jacob arrived with the rest of the pack. It never ceased to amaze me how fast werewolves ran. Could I ever beat that speed I wondered?

Yuki took control of the meeting immediately much to Sam's displeasure. "Welcome guys, since Bella is awake now I want you to tell us of what happened after Victoria bit her".

Seth jumped up at the chance to talk with Yuki or for her to acknowledge him at least. Poor Seth to have fallen in love with the enemy, I wondered how the others were taking it. By now they must have noticed something was up. I could tell from the frown on Leah's lips she wasn't pleased. I was just glad they weren't jumping up to kill Yuki; she was my only chance of adjusting to this new life. Seth went on to explained what had happened while I was roasting unbeknownst to them.

"Well the bloody vamp bit Bella and then I jumped to stop her. She threw Bella and defended herself against me, throwing me towards Bella's body. By the way I'm still sorry for the falling on top of you part, I must have been heavy as hell".

Yuki brought up her hand and instantly Seth stopped, his eyes drawn to her every movement. Her red petal like lips opened to speak and I could feel what she would say next was very important.

"Bella I think I just figured out what happened to you hon. you're half Vampire and half Werewolf if you guys are werewolves. For some reason I just don't get the feeling you are" she pondered while everyone stared at her in shock.

I was the first to choke on my own spit, "What do you mean? I can't be a werewolf; Jacob never said anything about them being able to turn others!"

"Shh" Yuki hissed slight, her brain must have been working two miles per second. "I'm not saying they intentionally made you into a werewolf. When Seth fell on your body I bet you had some cuts. His blood must have mixed with yours".

Everyone was lost for words; Seth looked in between being guilty and ecstatic. It's probably because Yuki called him by his name instead of using 'him' or 'that guy'. I couldn't help but feel happy for the two but that wasn't the matter at hand. Apparently I have done the impossible again and become a hybrid to opposed races, jolly. I wonder if I'll have to be facing internal fights in my mind like in the romance novels. Could my life get anymore complicated?

"I guess that's why we couldn't kill her when we were forced to decide" said Paul with his arms crossed and a slight frown on his face. Sam nodded and Jacob looked ashamed that they'd even thought to vote to see if I lived or died again. Truthfully I held nothing against them for doing it; it was their job after all.

"But I don't get it. How is it that she can be part of us too? Aren't we supposed to be the enemies of Vampires?" asked a confused Brady. I felt sorry for him; I knew this wouldn't be easy for his young mind to comprehend. I felt slightly scared that Jacob hadn't said anything this whole time. What was he thinking? What I wouldn't give for Edward's ability right now.

"Well that goes back to my old theory that you guys aren't wolves. I'm sorry to say it but I've only met one werewolf before and in our little battle together he told me he could only change with the help of the moon. You guys can change without the help of the moon so I'm thinking you're not werewolves. Sorry to cut it to ya but the old movies were right".

Seth growled at the thought of her just being in danger and the whole room seemed to turn to him. Leah and some of the other family members shook their heads in disbelief while Yuki was left in the dark with a confused look on her face. Jacob stepped towards me, the first sign of movement he had made since this whole meeting had started. I was thorn between wanting to flee from his large hand or wait for whatever he was going to do. To my surprise he only took my left hand and sniffed it. "She smells slightly like us" he murmured.

Jared seemed to nod at this like he'd known for quite some time now. He probably had since he was the only one to have noticed my heartbeat. Likewise Yuki wanted to try something out. "Would anyone of you mind trying to transform into any thing other than a wolf?" the question came out quizzy and unsure.

"I'll give it a shot" said Seth, once again trying to gain her attention though I'm beginning to believe without trying he already had it. I watched as his face scrunched up in concentration and then slowly his body and bones began to bend and brake into a different structure. It took longer than it would have if he'd been trying to turn into a wolf but Seth was able to turn himself into a Lion. Everyone in the room seemed pretty stunned.

"Well that proves it" said Yuki with her arms crossed and a twinkle in her eyes. Suddenly Seth began to move towards her, slowly at first to prove he didn't mean harm but when Yuki spread out her arms he leapt towards her. He purred as Yuki scratched and petted his coat of golden fur. Everyone in the room watched in silence but I could feel the unease rolling of the other werewolves. I guess I would feel the same if my brother was purring in the arms of the enemy or if I'd just been told everything I thought I understood of myself was a lie. I felt sorry for them but then again I had no right to be talking. I was a hybrid of some sort and it was still unclear if Sam's pack would take me in. For all I know I'd be forced to live my odd immortal life alone with scars littered across my heart.

"Why the long face?"

"What?" I asked startled, I'd been so deep in my misery I hadn't notice Embry come to seat by my side. Briefly I wondered if I smelt awful to him like the Cullens did. If I did he tried his best not to show it, maybe he did it so he wouldn't offend me. I realized he and Jake were waiting for my answer. What was there to hide? I opened my lips and spoke out most of my worries. "Well I'm a bit freaked out about me being a hybrid though I can't say it comes as a surprise. I don't really know what will happen now. I can't see Charlie like this, if my eyes are as red as I think they are it'll be a dead give away. I don't want to drag anyone into this mess that isn't already in it and I'm not sure where to go from here".

Yuki stopped petting Seth for a moment and laid his massive head on her lap. Her silver eyes searched my face again and she seemed to be considering something. Her lips twitched into a smile almost immediately. "Well I can't exactly leave you alone now can I? Camila would kill me if I did. Tell you what why don't we first start of by getting you used to your body. You know find out your limitations and stuff, then from there we can see if you can finish your year in school. You can live with Charlie as you finish and then sign up for a school out of state. I'll take you to meet my Coven in Oregon".

I was left pretty much speechless; I didn't know what to say or how to say it. Who was this Camila or better yet how was I going to accomplish all that she had listed. I turned to Jake and stared into his deep dark eyes. Would he and his pack be okay with me staying with humans as I am? Embry, Jared, Seth and Quil seemed to think I could.

"Bells why not give it a try?"

"What?" I absently asked Jacob, my eyes never leaving his as they shone with encouragement. Briefly I felt a warm veil cover my wounded heart and it felt nice. I looked towards Sam and the rest of the pack. Asking and pleading with my eyes for them to allow me to stay. My eyes lingered on Sam, if he said no then I didn't know what else I could do.

"Its fine Bella, you can stay as long as you don't hurt humans. We'll just add your name to the treaty made with the Cullens" he said with his dark voice but I could still pick out some unease.

Yuki's face practically lit up as she hugged Seth and squealed. "See Bella things won't be so hard at all. You don't even have to worry about feeding on humans because my coven made something just for that".

Now it was my turn to be uneasy, what could they have made to satisfy my thirst? I remember Edward once telling me about how hard it was to keep himself from biting me. Thinking about it now I would have rather it had been him than Victoria. Okay gotta brag myself out of those thoughts, he's gone Bella, don't think about it!

"You okay Bella?" asked Embry, I guess he could see the frown I felt forming on my face. I shook my head, "I'm fine" I lied. I wasn't fine, probably never would be. Turning to Yuki I made sure we had eye contact as I asked her my question. I wanted nothing but the truth. "What do you mean I don't have to worry about my thirst?"

Yuki grinned with pride and I could tell Seth was purring to see such a satisfied look on her face. "My coven and I created these tablets that once placed into water could be a substitute for blood. We first get the blood from the original animal and then recreate their type of blood. Think of it like artificial flavoring with all the vitamins you'd find in the original thing. We have them in all flavors for vampires with different tastes. You name the animal and we probably have it in stock" she chirped.

I looked at her in shock.

"If that's true then why were those other bloodsuckers so eager to eat those hikers for dinner!" barked Paul, his eyes flashing with anger. He probably wanted to vent out some of his frustration. I felt sorry that Yuki was his first target, I'd probably be next on the list.

Yuki didn't seem fazed by his anger but Seth's growled showed that he was. She calmed him down by scratching his chin. "Our pills can't be sold to other vampires who don't have a connection to the coven because of many complications. Some of the older vampires who prefer human blood would try to harm our coven; others could start making more newborns because now they had an easy supply of food that wouldn't go noticed by the world. The big-wigs that control our society would probably say we were throwing off the balance of things and have us all killed. We try to help as many of our kind as possible without others finding out, **that's our creed**" she explained with a sad tone in her beautiful voice. Seth licked her hand in a comforting gesture.

I could understand her way of thinking a bit. Even among humans, when someone was trying to do something good or introduce something nice to the world there was always someone ready to screw it up. This pill she was talking about definitely would have been a good thing had there not been vampires like Victoria ready to use it for evil means.

"Sorry" said Leah, something that Yuki said seemed to have won over the strong girl. I felt a little jealous that Yuki could do it so easily while I was still grabbing for straws on our relationship. It wouldn't be long before the other wolves started getting along with her, I could tell. Wait I can't go about calling them wolves anymore now can I. I needed to think of what to categorize now, not that it matter. Jake was still Jake to me. Shape-shifters seemed to fit just right for now until they thought of a cooler name for their kind.

"So when do we start testing Bella's limits?" asked Embry with a face splitting grin. I gulped; maybe I wasn't ready to be tested out just yet. I looked towards Jake for help but the damn traitor was grinning too.

"Bella's pretty much healed up boys so you're free to start anytime" chirped Yuki like I was some toy being sold at Toy-are-us. The boys certainly looked like they were ready to try out their new live sized Barbie. They dragged me out of Jacob's house soon enough and I vaguely noticed Billy wasn't home. He was probably keeping Charlie busy, fishing or something. My poor dad didn't even know his little girl's been turned into a freak of nature.

The guys dragged me deeper into La Push's forests. Yuki and Seth leisurely followed us at their own pace. They seemed to be so content just walking together. Once again I noticed Yuki never got distracted by the sights the forest had to offer. She'd probably seen forests like these a thousand times but for me with my new eyes everything was different. I found myself fascinated by Mother Nature and all her glorious creatures. Jake and Embry seemed to think it was funny how I kept stopping to look closely at a flower or how I would smile at a nice sound an animal made. It all seemed so much more different than when I used to run with Edward in the woods. The animals didn't run away from us now, instead they seemed to welcome us like a home welcoming party. Finally we stopped at a wide clearing.

The sun was blaring down on us so I turned to look at Yuki. I knew her skin would light up like Edwards. It so beautiful each time I saw this phenomena happen. The other shape-shifters were taken by surprise. Paul hissed and Leah frowned. Seth had turned back into his human form now and was staring hard at Yuki. He seemed to look at her like she was a goddess of some sort which is what she looked at me anyway. Again she didn't notice that we were staring, she fidgeted with her fingers and took another step forward. "What's going on, what are you all staring at?" she asked as if she truly did not know.

And then it hit me…Yuki was blind. I looked towards Seth and I saw a sad look come into his eyes as he walked towards her. He took her small hands into his and hugged her. "We're staring at you beautiful. You have a striking glow Yuki".

The dark skinned Vampiress smiled as she hugged him back. "Thanks Seth".

"Yuki…you're blind aren't you?" said Leah with a bit of concern shining through in her voice. Yuki nodded her head as she pulled away from Seth. "It's okay. I've been blind since I was a kid so it's nothing new. I know how to deal with it and all. My vampric senses help out a lot".

"Oh…" said Leah. I could clearly see that now more than ever Leah had accepted Yuki. The melancholy atmosphere disappeared when Quil noticed that I wasn't shining as much as Yuki.

"Bella why aren't you shining too" he asked. True to his word as I looked at my pale skin there was a soft glow to it. Not as stunning or as remarkable as Yuki's but it was still there and if humans stared longer enough they'd probably notice something abnormal about it. In my mind this was a good thing, I could still walk in public on sunny days if I kept most of my body covered up.

"I guess we just found out one of my limitations" I muttered. I suddenly jerked to the left when a fist came sailing my way.

"Fast reflexes" said Paul with a toothy grin. I gulped suddenly remembering the true tests we came out here to do. From the corner of my eyes I saw all the other take seats on the floor as they watched the mock battle. There was no way I could win against Paul but there were these primal instincts in that wouldn't let me just back out of it all. When he swung my body forced me to dodge and it was awkward at first but I started getting used to it. I started using the flow of the wind to predict his next moves. I'm sure I didn't look half as cool as I felt but it was pretty damn cool to be able to avoid all of Paul's punches. It felt so exhilarating that I started laughing and poking fun at him. Soon Paul started getting serious, his moves becoming more fluid for one of his size and with more force. Finally he nailed me right in the gut. I had expected the hit to have me K.Oed instantly. I had expected to have curled into a ball and cry but I never did.

Paul had hit me alright, the bruise was there as proof of that but I didn't feel the pain. I was winded slightly but that was it. We kept going and Paul did get other hits but once again they did hurt as much as I thought they would. In the end we'd agreed the transformation had given me a stronger body. Jacob and Embry gave me fearful looks when they noticed the bruises.

"Bella are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I mean sure I'm a bit beat up but I've never felt this good before". It was true I did feel relieved. My feelings were so intent on fighting and not getting hit I didn't think of Edward once. Something told me I and Paul would become fast buddies soon. The grin on his face did nothing to prove my assumption wrong.

Next came the speed test; this time Leah took over. Apparently she was the pack's fastest runner. The basics of the test were simply really. Leah and I were to run laps and we were to see who was faster and who lasted longer. Now this test blew me away in more ways than one. I was able to keep up with Leah for a long time until I started getting the feel of the wind in my hair and the pure freedom it brought. Before I knew it I looked back and Leah was lagging behind me. This time I didn't laugh because I knew she was trying her hardest and to laugh would have been rude. To run back to her sides would have been rude too so instead I decided showing I was enjoying the wind above everything would put us both to ease and allow us to forget about the race. It seemed to work and soon Leah was more focus on enjoying herself damn trying to beat me. Another friendship started up right underneath my nose and I hadn't noticed until we got back. Leah changed into her human form and gave me a bone crushing hug.

"I've never had a run like that before! It felt so great to finally have someone who can match me!" her eyes danced with joy and I couldn't help but smile back at her. I noticed she omitted how I could beat her in a race but that didn't matter to me, we all have our pride after all.

"Bella that was great, you and Leah both looked like you were flying. Heck there even times when we couldn't see you!" cheered Jacob with his friendly smile. The same smile I'd fallen for but couldn't think to call completely mine. Someday some girl would steal him from my loose hands and I wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I know no girl would be worthy of him but I prayed that he found someone amazing like Seth and Yuki or Quil and Claire. I didn't know I had spaced off until Jacob called me back and told me the next test would be on hearing.

This time I didn't really need to compete against anyone I just needed to listen. The others would make noises while I was blindfolded and would have to find where they came from. At times the noises were loud and easy to pinpoint other times they were more subtle and I had to strain to hear them. For the most part Jacob and Yuki said I did great and with more practice I would be able to detect noises flawlessly. I felt the color rush to my face from the compliments. Soon other tests followed but I wasn't scared anymore. In fact I was interested and excited to know what I could do. The final test for the day was how I reacted to blood; much to everyone's surprise I hated the mere smell of it. Yuki gave me one of her tablets to try out instead and it tasted wonderful. Jacob and the other shape-shifters gave us quizzy looks but they seemed to tolerate us. Yuki explained it in simple words when Seth asked her how she could drink blood from anything.

"Well Seth I love every living thing but I want to live too. I don't like ending the lives of people or things but would you rather I just sat back and allowed myself to starve. Its kind of like the same fight Vegetarians are having with meat eaters. I can't stop myself from needing to eat what I eat. I can make it more tolerable by drinking from animals but that's really the only control I have. I wish I could allow you to feel how I feel when I get thirsty, and then I'm sure you would understand. No one wants to die no matter what they are" she solemnly said and in that moment all the other shape-shifters seemed to sympathize with our kind.

Yuki and I stayed over at Jacob's place. For a time we watched Jacob sleep and then we found other things to do as we waited for day to come once again. Yuki placed me through more private test. We were trying to find out my powers or if I had any to begin with. We weren't having much luck but Yuki said she was sure I had a talent. We just needed to find the right trigger.

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Well that's the end of this chapter. Thanks to all those you reviewed. I'm really glad you did, you make writing soo worth it.


	6. Chapter 6: Edward vs Alice

As promised here's the new chapter in Alice's point of view. I may switch to Edward's somewhere in this chapter, who knows. Anyway for those reading this thanks and I hope you review. Oh and at the beginning of Edward's part there's an exert from Stephenie's extras of what Edward was doing when Rosalie calls. I won't use much of it but I just wanted to get the exact place of where he was.

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_Feeling like this could only mean  
I'm sinking.  
Feeling like this could only mean  
I'm sinking.  
Well, I'm sinking.  
Pull me up._

_Every time I see your clothes scattered out on the floor,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone.  
Every time I see the light not burning on the porch,  
I say I thought you would be home.  
You said you never would be gone,  
But you are.  
You are._

_Feeling overwhelmed, I take a dive  
To a once overfilled but now empty place to hide.  
The day you turned on me is the day I died,  
And I've forgotten what it's like,  
And how it feels to be alive._

"_**gone" by Chris Daughtery**_

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Chapter 6: Beyond remorseful

**Alice's point of view**

I warned him. I told him but did he listen? No, he and his stupid machoistic ego had to leave her. I swear I love my adopted brother but at times it seems he's just looking for ways to hurt himself. Bella was the greatest thing in his life, did he really think leaving her behind would be easy. I understand he's really shaken up about the hold James thing but what good are we to Bella staying away from her. She needs us, she needs Ed but will he see that? No, he won't, he's too busy feeling sorry for himself. I love my brother but I can't stand the pain he puts himself through.

I know he loves Bella; everyone does even Rosalie though she tries her best to ignore it. I feel so bad when I see Esme; she looks like she just lost a daughter. Carlisle stands by his decision that the family supports Ed but I can't help but feels he's wrong. Personally Emmett and I stood up against Ed's decision but what can you do when the boy insists on throwing away the one thing that made his life lively? Now I've been forced to seat here and fold my arms as I see my family fall apart. I'm not allowed to look into the future for Bella nor am I allowed to contact her in any way. It's not fair but I'll grit my teeth or fangs, however you want to take it and watch from the sidelines.

I know Edward is in pain. I see it every time I look into his lost eyes. I don't know what to do now and I can't help but feel I'm running out of time. Edward almost tried to publicly offend the Volturi. If Emmett, Jasper and I hadn't been there to hold him down for those two weeks he would have gone to Italy. God I almost cried at the look I saw on Esme's face. She looked so devastated to think she'd almost lost a son.

It hurts to see him now, hiding in dark places, wondering about aimlessly. It's just not the Edward I knew, it's worse than before he met Bella. I want so desperately to shake him and say 'what are you doing!' but I can't. Carlisle has ordered us to give him the space he needs. To me I don't think it's the space he needs, I think it's Bella but what do I know, I'm just poor little old Alice.

I feel a sudden calm and I know Jasper must have been feeling my anxiety, my anger. I don't like him feeling these things from me; he has enough to deal with. He can't even be in a room with Edward because my brother's pain is just that much. I can't understand how he can stand it. Being away from the one you love for any reason must suck. I couldn't imagine doing such a thing to Jasper but then again maybe there's something I'm not getting. I know Edward took this time away to get Victoria but I still think it's too cruel for both him and Bella. Why can't he just turn her into one of us like Rosalie did Emmett or Carlisle did Esme. What's stopping him from taking the happiness dropped right on his lap?

Frankly I can't say and right now I don't want to care. Whatever comes about from this forced separation will be on him; though I have a feeling we'll all take part of it. We are family after all.

"You okay Alice?" asked my wonderful Jasper. Man I hate making him worry, I hate seeing a frown on that wonderful face of his. I sigh and shake my head.

"I'm fine hon, why don't we go shopping? I need something to occupy me mind for awhile".

Jasper nods his head and we get up. My husband Jasper is tall with honey blonde hair. He's got a muscular yet lean build and most beautiful blue eyes I've ever seen. I grateful to have him, heaven knows I waited for him long enough. Just thinking about the first time we met puts a smile to my face. At times like these, where everyone's receiving the dull bits of Edward's pains and finding it hard to smile, this smile is very much needed. Jasper seems to think so. He just let out a sigh of relief. I rub his shoulder, so sorry for all the emotions he must be reading right now. I wanted him to feel that I was happy, that we were okay.

"Whose car are we taking?" I ask, not really caring for once. I wanted to spoil Jasper a little today and probably every other day of our eternal lives.

"How about mine?" he asks with a smirk, gods I love that smirk. It makes him look so cute. I nod my head yes and we head to the garage. Esme sees us on the way and I can tell she feels relieved that at least some of her children are enjoying themselves. I can't help but feel a stab of anger towards Edward for making her worry so much. I wave at her as we leave and hope I can see her wonderful smile some time soon.

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Edward's point of view

I wasn't precisely sure where I was, I never seem to be these days. Some dark attic crawl space, full of rats and spiders but I couldn't bring myself to care at the moment. The spiders ignored me, and the rats glared at me for intruding. The air was thick with the heavy scents of cooking oil, rancid meat, human sweat, and the nearly solid layer of pollution that was actually visible in the humid air. It was like a black film covering everything. Below me, four stories of a rickety ghetto tenement teamed with life. I didn't bother to separate the thoughts from the voices. They made a big, loud Spanish clamor that I didn't want to hear. I just let the sounds bounce off me like a wall. It was all meaningless anyway. Everything was meaningless to me now, even my very own existence. Esme would have probably died hearing that from me but it was how I really felt.

I miss her dearly. I miss everything about her, from her shy smiles to her straight black hair. I miss it all. Some times I just want to listen to Alice and take a flight back to Forks but how can I? When I know my very existence puts her in danger. I place her in danger from my fellow vampires and even myself. What I'm doing is for the best…or at least that's what I tell myself each day. That's what I repeat to myself as I drag myself to see my family once a month, just so they know I'm alive and didn't try anything stupid. I know it's for the best but gods what I would give to see her face, to see her smile again and to let myself hold her as I used to. It's so very painful to hang out with the rest of family and see them being so affectionate with each other. I notice how everyone tries to tone it down for me but it shouldn't be that way. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, especially my own family.

Every time I see Alice's angry eyes I know I messed up but I can't fix this. Carlisle is being patient with me as always, much like the time I thought he was weak for killing animals instead of humans. I can still remember how stupid I was back then and how haunted I looked when I'd finally seen the end of my little adventure. I had been a monster then…and I still am. I don't know how Bella could accept me so easily. It's one of the reasons I love her so much but now there's nothing in me. I just go from city to city, State to State trying to track Victoria. By the way did I mention how much of a horrible tracker I am? Probably should have because I'm having no luck with finding her at all. Every lead I get turns cold in days; some times I think she's just playing with me.

I wonder how Bella's doing. I wonder if she'd moved on, if she's found someone more worthy of her love. I don't know but I would like to. Alice keeps telling me to go back before it's too late but I can't. I don't get it myself but I know I just can't. Not with a threat like Victoria on the loose.

It's because I love Bella that I'm doing this, no two ways about it. I can't breathe without her but I'll try. I don't really feed now but I know I must to achieve my goal. I just wish I knew how she was. Some times I get this pull; this pain in my heart that I know isn't one of my own. I wonder if it's hers' and if so why.

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This chapter's pretty short cuz I don't want to give too much out about Edward's goals or thoughts. I hope you guys liked the way I portrayed Alice, I didn't want her to sound whiny just concerned. Please review.

Chibi Narrator: Hey again people, sorry for the late and short update.

Itachi: next one must be longer.

Chibi Narrator: oh it will be, IT WILL BE. I'm just getting started. People said they wanted to see Edward's side of this so I showed them.


End file.
